Each of us, at one point or another, took the time engaging in emotionally destructive behavior soon after experiencing a bad break up. Hurt people engage in emotionally destructive behavior after a bad breakup. Whether we damaged ourselves more than what had already been done, or damaging someone else, we did something toxic.
It’s OK. Don’t beat yourself up. It is only the beginning of the inner turmoil you will experience while you put yourself back together. We all handle break ups in different ways. Some of us isolate ourselves, indulging only in our work, hobbies, and sleep. Some of us start dating or “hooking up” as a way to celebrate “freedom” from the relationship.
Many of us question what went wrong. We blame the other person. We blame ourselves. We punish ourselves with the mental anguish of unanswered questions. We call our exes 5 times in 10 minutes after 7 shots of whiskey. Words like “Fuck you, I hate you!” become “I’m sorry, can we try this again? Please come back”, all in the same voicemail.
Then the back and forth. “It was my fault.” “No, no, no, it was her fault!” “He’s not gonna put this all on me.”
We’ve all been through these scenarios.
Some of us have been in bed with someone we barely knew a week into being newly single and feeling terrible afterwards because our exes are still in our minds. We let them live rent-free in our heads for weeks, months, even years. They have keys to our heart that they never returned.
Some of us go as far as making fake social media pages to spy on them, seeing if they have moved on yet. Because…we haven’t moved on.
We’re listening to every voicemail they’ve ever sent us. We’re reading letters they hand-wrote to us. We’re cutting up clothes of theirs they left at our apartment, but then crying into the destroyed fabric wishing you could sew it back together to relive the memories of that shirt or that pair of jeans they wore.
There is no real way to measure how long this process takes. At the end, however, we must ask ourselves, what have we learned?
The lessons that come from break-ups prepare us for better relationships with others AND ourselves. We learn what serves us and what does not.
In my own life, I gained a deeper understanding of self-worth and self-care. Putting yourself first DOES NOT make you selfish. It teaches you that you are WORTHY of what you ask for. It reminds you to never settle, just so you can say you have someone. There are worse things in this world than being single. You learn that how you feel is always valid. You realize a person that loves you wants to see you grow and wants to support your success.
Every single step we take towards bettering ourselves has to be taken from a place of LOVE. You move FORWARD out of love for yourself. You are PATIENT with yourself because healing takes time. You are worth a full recovery. Happiness awaits.
Break-ups can be difficult, especially when you’ve lost yourself in someone else. Hurt people engage in emotionally destructive behavior after a bad breakup. Take the time to rediscover your true self and reignite your passions!
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