Wekaw’s Love McPherson, Chicago dating expert tells the truth about first date chemistry. First impressions are highly overrated. It’s impossible to number the many loving relationships that started off extremely uneventful to say the least. So why do we place so much emphasis on whether there was chemistry or not? It’s partly because the chick flicks and fairy tales have convinced some couples that you should see a finale of fireworks when he stands on the back of his legs. The truth is that there are many reason you may not experience chemistry or connection on the first date.
Here are 4 reasons why
1. Your first date may be experiencing fear of rejection.
Rejection is one of our biggest fears whether we want to admit it or not.
We dress, behave, speak and respond to avoid rejection. Desperately wanting to impress can actually come off arrogant, self-centered or prideful. It can be a turn off rather than a turn on. On the other hand, if a person has no confidence in their ability to avoid rejection, often they will reject others through being super critical or dismissing before that person has the ability to reject them. Don’t become defensive, take note and respond with your values as your guide.
2. Your first date may also be overwhelmed by your awesomeness.
You don’t have to be insecure to see someone else as awesome. It’s like wanting that dream job that you know you will ace if they only give you a chance to prove yourself. If you don’t see yourself as awesome, here is when self-sabotage can take place. You can sub consciously sabotage the date because you don’t want to experience the moment when you will inevitably disappoint a person who sees you better than you see yourself.
3. Lack of chemistry can also be the result of someone protecting their heart. If your first date has experienced a recent heartbreak, they may be shielding their heart from another injury.
4. Your first date may be a kind, loyal, respectful introvert. Your dream mate may be sitting on the other side of the table enjoying listening to you, more than leading the conversation. Silence doesn’t always equal ignorance or incompetence.
Trusting relationships require patience and open-mindedness in order to develop. Listen intently to learn the heart of a person before coming to a final judgment. Whatever their heart is full of, will eventually come out of their mouth. Also, leave unreasonable expectations at the door and be open for a new experience. Dates can be like food, just because you have never tried a specific dish, doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it. Finally, place chemistry in the proper perspective. If chemistry is everything to you, you may find yourself attracting chemistry without much character to sustain it.