Detaching from an old flame or past friendship can be difficult for various reasons. I’ll speak from my perspective and as you read, think about whether or not you’ve experienced the emotional wreckage of not being able to let go. After a breakup it is important to let go and live.
Every issue I had in my relationship, I held myself accountable. After all, it is my responsibility to practice better discernment when choosing partners, because it is my time and effort that will be invested into this person.
My ex attached himself to each aspect of my life from sharing common interests to even volunteering at my job. In the two years we were together, he had become fiercely interwoven into my time, energy and space.
When dealing with a hard break up, there are times where we are quick to pick up the victim card and convince ourselves why our exes deserve to be drowned in gasoline and set on fire, which, quite honestly, hinders any kind of emotional healing.
We want to forget all the good moments we shared with this person and emphasize the times they didn’t live up to the expectations we had for them. We do not realize the torment we subject ourselves to by not appreciating the lesson learned from our past partners and in turn, we stunt our own growth.
It is not an easy task to detach ourselves from people who once made us happy. We want to forget how happy they made us in the time we spent together, foolishly thinking that will make us forget we once LOVED them.
There is nothing wrong with loving someone who, once upon a time, loved you, too. You only punish yourself by filling your heart with regret.
Let go, and live. Ask yourself, what did I learn from this experience?
Pull the GOOD things from the memories of that relationship and reflect on the ways the relationship introduced you to new things you never thought you’d enjoy. The music you learned about. The new recipes your learned. The books you read.
The time spent with lovers from your past were times you needed to learn and expand that of which you thought you already knew.
Forgiveness of your ex matters, but forgiveness of YOURSELF matters just as much, if not more.
I still find myself blaming me for what happened towards the end of my last connection. My responsibility, as a partner, is to love, support, and be the peace of my lover, which is what I did. You cannot blame yourself for how someone else receives the good you give to them. At the end of the day, how they utilize your love is up to them and is a reflection of how they see themselves.
Love DOES NOT HURT.
We just find ourselves loving people who have never truly been loved before. There is NO shame in loving someone who is broken because in a world where so many of us have lived through situations that made us feel replaceable, the ability to treat someone as if they matter most is a sign of true strength. See yourself as a being of love. And forgive yourself.
Learn the lessons life has brought to you and release ALL which no longer serves you. You are worth the peace.
And don’t forget, after a breakup it is important to let go and live.
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